i’m now a full-time artist

It's been around five weeks since I left my day job to become a full-time artist. Also around that same time, the corona virus took hold of the world and kind of threw us under the bus. Good timing Jenna, well done.

Since day dot I knew I wanted to be an artist, I knew I wanted to become a “creative entrepreneur,” it was just a matter of when. It wasn’t a decision I made lightly, moving from a guaranteed income to possibly none. Josh and I spoke about going full-time for a long time before it actually happened. I looked at different job possibilities, different opportunities. It took many months of indecisiveness, planning, fretting and anxiety.

Oh the anxiety.

I’ve managed general anxiety disorder for most of my adult life, but during this short period before becoming self-employed things got pretty bad. I wasn’t sleeping, I had fits of rage and then sadness, and succumbed to severe depression. I suffered from several panic attacks in the course of a six month period which forced me to stay home from work.

I was drowning.

Before I go any further into my story, I wanted to say I had a good job, arguably a great job. I was a graphic artist/bookkeeper/office manager/all-rounder at a local sign shop here in Devonport. I enjoyed my job and I loved my clients. It had been a big couple of years within that company just after I joined the team, and I walked into a bit of a whirlwind. By the time everything had settled down I was tired. Actually, I’m going to be frank here - I was exhausted. I no longer had the passion required to do my job effectively, I felt like I had no purpose. My boss tried to help me to the best of his ability, as did my co-workers, but there comes a time when you need to walk away.

And so I did, my last day as a full-time employee was on March 17th, St. Patrick’s Day.

And then the corona virus hit and it looks like I would have been out of a job anyways - it’s funny how things turn out. Was it the right thing to do? I think so - it was definitely not a great time to leave the stability of a full-time, well paying job and venture out into the unknown, but them's the breaks and it was something that had to be done, for me. I firmly believe there is so such thing as "perfect timing".

So what now?

Now I do a lot of drawing, a lot of writing, a lot of design work. I’ve been creating websites for clients, working on commissions, and I finally plugged in my new printer! I’ve been gardening, going to the beach and baking bread. I’m healthy again - I feel light and safe. Incredulously, I feel less anxious and less stressed than I have in nearly a year (sorry corona virus).

Now, word to the wise. I am NOT telling you to quit your job. I am NOT telling you to walk away from stability, comfort or a steady income. But please pay attention to your mental health. I wish I had read the signs that I was struggling before it got to the point of crossing that line of having no choice but to walk away. I realise how fortunate I am to have landed on my feet, to have a partner that supports me, and to have a decent amount of savings just in case things went sour (hello corona virus). But if you need to walk away from something, whether it be a job, a relationship or a commitment, I hope you have the courage and means to do so. I’ve been on both sides of that fence, and I’ll take happiness and uncertainty over worry and anxiety any day of the week.